


Miracul-ass: Heroes of Paris XXX

by AlyaBug (MorphologicalMayhem)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: As in there is mentions of porn, Awkwardness, F/M, Humor, Mentions of Masturbation, No actual porn in the story, Porn, Porn Watching, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:17:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8618713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorphologicalMayhem/pseuds/AlyaBug
Summary: Adrien finds a porn video featuring Ladybug and Chat Noir.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the idea that there is probably in-universe porn of Ladybug and Chat Noir. And Adrien has probably seen it. Because he is a horny little bastard. They are 18 in this because I feel uncomfortable writing about underage sexuality. And, I am sorry for this silly, pointless little story.

Frankly, it was surprising it hadn’t happened sooner. 

Two young, attractive people who had a large fanbase. Of course there would be porn of them. It was the internet afterall. It had been three years since they started and there were terabytes of Ladybug and Chat Noir porn on the internet. It was one of the basic rules of the internet. 

But he didn’t expect it to actually watch porn of himself and his crush. 

Adrien didn’t go looking for it, of course. He did not look for Ladybug porn, on principal. It would be weird, because he knew her personally. A betrayal of trust. Also, pretty creepy. 

That wasn’t to say that his search history was completely innocent. His favorite porn search terms were ‘dark hair’ and ‘spandex’, and more recently ‘bondage’ and ‘femdom’. (He had tried in the past to search for things like ‘Asian’ and ‘pigtails’ but those terms tended to not give him what he was interested in.) And maybe he had a preference for videos with girls who looked vaguely like her. But that was just normal creepy.

Looking up porn that is actually based on your best friend who you have a crush on is on a different level of creepy. 

He found it innocently. Someone linked to it on a Ladybug fan forum he followed. It would probably be removed very soon, once the moderators found it, but he spotted it first. 

‘Look at this, guys. Lisa Cummings as Ladybug and Scott Hancock as Chat Noir. Best one I have seen yet.’

He should have known not to click the link. He vaguely recognized those names. He know it was porn. But curiosity killed the cat, as they say. 

He told himself he was just looking to see how ridiculous the acting was. Anyone would jump at the chance to see themselves played by a porn star. It was bound to be hilarious. 

The video started with the two actors rushing into the scene. They were in front of an obvious green screen of the Paris skyline and the only other thing in the room was a couch.

“Oh, Chat Noir, you saved me from that akuma! How can I repay you?” Pornybug asked in English, swooned dramatically, her comically huge breasts bouncing. She spoke flatly, with a exaggerated breathyness, twirling her pigtails. Really, they were going with that scenario?

“It's nothing, My Lady.” Fake Noir flexed his oversized vanity muscles. The guy didn’t look a thing like him. Adrien scoffed at the way he postured. 

. . . . And then they were having sex. Damn those awkward porn transitions! One second they were overacting and the next Fake Noir had his face between Pornybug’s thighs.

Ah, fuck. That was kind of hot.

A short time later Adrien zipped up his pants, closed the tab and tried to forget. 

 

 

 

“Guys, guys.” Alya leaned over the desk and tapped Adrien and Nino on the head, harder than was necessary to get their attention. “Guess what someone sent into the Ladyblog?” 

“What?” Adrien asked. He didn’t notice anything in particular on the Ladyblog when he checked it this morning. There were a few more pictures from yesterday’s akuma attack, but nothing that out of the ordinary. 

Alya giggled. “I didn’t post it, of course. I run a family friendly site. But I had to tell you guys.” Marinette groaned and put her head on the desk. 

“Not family friendly, huh?” Nino grinned. 

“It is called ‘Miracul-ass: Heros of Paris XXX’. It’s porn. And it is hilarious.” Alya giggled.

Adrien froze. It had been two weeks since he jerked off to the Ladybug porn. He was hoping he would never have to think about it again. Dammit Alya. 

“Just look at them.” She shoved her phone in front of him and Nino. And yup. It was the same one. Fuck. Luckily it was a picture that was only mildly suggestive. 

Nino laughed. “What? They don’t even look like them. He is wearing, like, a bad wig or something. Couldn’t they have just gotten a blonde guy to play Chat Noir?”

“And look at her outfit. There is no support there. Speaking as a generously endowed lady, running around rooftops in that would _hurt_.” Alya hugged her chest protectively with one arm. “The sex scenes were decent. Pretty generic, but good.”

“Alya!” Marinette looked up, apparently unable to ignore the conversation any longer. “You watched it?” She looked at her best friend, betrayed. 

“Hey, I was curious!” Alya said, defensively. “Don’t look at me like that. Don’t pretend to be a prude. I know about your erotica collection.”

“That's different Alya. This is invasive. They're real people.” Marinette scolded and Adrien felt more guilty. Ladybug would probably not be happy to hear that this existed, much less that her trusted partner had masturbated to it.

“Anyone would watch it if they found it, right guys?” She turned to the boys in front of her, expectantly.

Nino shrugged noncommittally and Adrien blushed harder and looked away. Unfortunately Nino noticed this.

“Dude, you okay?” Nino asked. 

“I am fine.” He turned back towards his desk and started to get his stuff together for the next class. He was just going to die here, from embarrassment and guilt.

“He probably wants to watch it now.” Alya said with a giggle. 

“Don’t say that. Adrien wouldn’t!” Marinette defended him. That just made him feel worse. He was disappointing poor Marinette. 

“Or else. . . he already watched it.” Nino suggested, nonchalantly. 

Adrien dropped the book he was holding. Fuck. 

“Ohhhhh. Look’s like you are right, Nino.” Alya sniggered. “Adrien found this one before me, I think. And he probably enjoyed it.”

He snuck a look back at Marinette. Yeah, there was a disappointed frown. “Sorry.” He muttered, blushing harder.

“Dude, it’s okay.” Nino reassured him. “I mean, I’m probably going to check it out later.” 

Alya laughed. “Yeah, they’re both hot. Porn of them makes sense, and as I said, it’s pretty decent porn.” She giggled. “Good material for my superhero sandwich fantasy.”

Marinette shot her another horrified look. “I thought you were never, ever going to mention that again.” Alya shrugged.

Before he could process the fact that apparently Alya wanted to have a threesome with him and the girl he was in love with, the teacher came in and called for class to start. Thank fucking god.

 

 

 

Adrien had managed to put the embarrassment out of his mind by the time it was time for patrol with Ladybug. After all, he told himself, this wasn’t any different than the many, many other times he had jerked off while thinking about her. 

Ladybug seemed slightly off. After she fell for the second time he figured it was time to check in with her.

“You okay?” He asked, jumping down besides her. “You seem really off tonight?”

Ladybug looked up at him and frowned. Then blushed. Then frowned deeper. 

“My lady?” He was concerned.

“There is porn of us!” She blurted.

Fuck. 

“Did you know about it?” She asked, suspicious.

“Uhh. . . .” His mind went blank and he forgot how to lie.

“Oh, my god, you did.” She threw up her hands. “Everyone seems to know about this. It makes me feel so gross.” She looked at him again, eyes narrowed. “You didn’t watch it, did you?”

“Uhh. . . .” He looked away, confirming her suspicions. 

“Urgh.” She glared at him. “Really? It was weird enough that all my friends from school watched it.” She shook her head. “But, like, you?”

He hung his head. “Sorry. If it makes you feel better, I felt really really guilty afterwards.”

“Afterwards.” She repeated. “Fuck. You masturbated to it, didn’t you? Why are you so gross?”

“Sorry.” The guilt was huge but he felt a need to defend himself. “But really. If you saw a porn of you and your crush, don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t watch it.” 

She had a far away look in her eyes and he knew he had her. “I wouldn’t.” She snapped, but then blushed. “Because I prefer written erotica . . . .” The last part was muttered under her breath. She seemed to remember something and her face scrunched up in distress. “He watched it. What does that even mean?”

“Who did?” Chat asked, despite his better judgement. He knew she liked someone else. “Your crush?”

She nodded, adorably distressed. 

“Clearly it means that he’s stupid and you should give up on him and date me.” He grinned, half joking. “But really, for most people we are just these vague ideas, so I wouldn’t be too freaked out. I am the only one who really needs to feel guilty. And I do. Because it was weird. I mean, there was a guy playing me too. I get why you’re uncomfortable.”

“Why did you do it then?” She asked, but she seemed less angry.

He shrugged. “My dick is stupid and occasionally controls my mind?” He sighed. “I am sorry. Really. It was inappropriate of me. I respect you so much as a person and I hate if I made you feel objectified. It was just, I am a stupid horny teen. Who is stupid.”

She smiled awkwardly. “It does make me a little uncomfortable, but, like, I already knew that you are attracted to me.” She screwed up her face. “Maybe I am just jealous because the actress has better boobs than me.”

He laughed. “I feel you. I am glad you didn’t watch it because then you would be disappointed if we ever do hook up.” She looked at him quizzically. “His dick is _way_ bigger than mine. But mine is still pretty big!” He clarified when she began laughing. “Like, bigger than average!”

“Sure it is, minou.” She put her hand reassuringly on his shoulder, still snickering.

“Am I forgiven?” He asked, hopefully. 

“Sure.” She blushed. “God knows I've read some shameful smut.”

“Like what?” He asked, very interested. 

She pushed him away. “That is for you to never find out. Come on, let’s patrol.” She threw her yoyo and sped off the roof. Chat Noir laughed and followed his beautiful and powerful lady.

**Author's Note:**

> If they seem a little chill about talking about porn, it is kind of based off of my own high school discussions. Based on the cultural stereotypes I know, I assume French teens are probably at least as liberal about talking about sex as my west coast hippy high school friends.


End file.
